A Blog by Jennifer Aulthouse

A heart for those who want more of God. A desperate plea for those who don't.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Just As We Are

As I’m sure is the case with most everyone, there are things about myself I loathe and wish were different. But I’ve noticed over the past few years how this struggle has shifted into a more mature spiritual element; that is, I’ve come to detest the things that interfere with acting Christ-like more than the other things. While I do not have a quick temper, I have a tendency to be judgmental and get annoyed rather easily. I have prayed that God will fashion me into a more grace-filled person in how I relate with others. I also have a penchant for laziness and if I am not completely in love with an idea or a task that’s before me I will usually seek to cut corners. I have come to also loathe this part of me and have prayed for God to make me a hard worker. I’m ashamed in having second thoughts in sharing my faith as a “missionary” in my world while there are missionaries willing to physically give their lives every day in very hostile circumstances. What is wrong with me?

There are the awkward things, like my inability to be charismatic while in a group discussion, my immediate sense of intensity in situations where I feel like I’m the only one who is taking something seriously that should be taken seriously, feeling panicked in a room full of children, loss of bodily control when I start laughing too hard……stuff like this, where I see if I could be just be enhanced a bit I would be of far greater use to God. And not make a spectacle of myself.

And there are also the stupid things, like having very limited culinary skill and creativity; after almost 35 years still not having a handle over styling my hair; getting down to a size 6 (not to mention bouncing between a 6 and a 12 like I’m on a trampoline) and still having monstrous calves. Having far too much emotional wellbeing invested in chocolate.

But having His peace within us also means we have the assurance of His presence over our personalities. He is enough to work through our weaknesses and our downright sinfulness. He knows the things about us that are awkward…they are precious to Him; and He purifies what is stained. He grants us the peace to simply be who we are and trust that He’s working out what needs to be worked out. If that means that in my perfected form I convulse and hyperventilate when in the presence of humor, than I shall celebrate this, too.

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